In our world today, especially among teens, there’s an unspoken rule: remain relaxed, don’t get too invested, and no matter what you do, don’t be “cringe.” Social media is quietly and implicitly shaping the way we communicate, what we wear, how we make jokes, and even how we react. And quietly, gradually, it’s turning a vast number of us into the same person.

Open up Instagram or TikTok, and there it is: same expressions, same sense of humor, same wardrobe, same vibe. One wishes to be “effortlessly cool,” nonchalant and impassive. Should you show too much excitement, too much emotion, or–Heaven forbid–genuine enthusiasm for something you are passionate about, you risk being seen as a “try-hard”, an undesirable trait in today’s society.

But here’s the thing: being kind is not cringeworthy. Having a personality is not embarrassing. Complying to avoid societal judgment? That’s what’s truly sad.

This pressure to act like nothing phases you, like you’re always chill and above it all, is part of a bigger problem. It’s the rise of the “nonchalant personality,” where everyone tries to act like they don’t care about school, relationships, their passions, or anything at all. It’s become trendy to be emotionally unavailable, sarcastic 24/7, and constantly ironic.

But let’s get real here: the majority of people who are “playing cool and detached” on social media are actually acting. It’s a character. The problem is, when everybody plays that character, then people start to think that being your real self is a bad thing, and that could not be more wrong.

When we’re constantly changing ourselves to fit in, we slowly lose the ability to find out who we are. We start questioning our opinions, our style, our sense of humor, even our interests. And most tragic of all, we lose the ability to communicate on deep, real levels. If everyone’s doing the same thing, no one’s really communicating and forming bonds as their true selves.

Think about it: most of the greatest, most intriguing, most inspiring people throughout history were weird, loud, emotional, intense, passionate, anything but laid-back. For instance, Albert Einstein, Leonardo da Vinci, Frida Kahlo and Edgar Allen Poe were all very prominent figures of history who had unique personalities. They cared deeply, they expressed themselves forcefully, and they didn’t downsize to fit in.

So why should we?

This isn’t about avoiding trends or cleaning off your socials. It’s about balance. It’s about choosing to be yourself when it’s difficult. It’s about belly laughing at what you actually find funny. It’s about posting that piece of art, wearing that outfit or geeking out about that weird hobby, even if it’s not “on brand.” It’s a heck of a lot braver to be yourself than to be somebody else.

And you know what? Others notice when you’re genuine. It doesn’t happen often. It’s a refreshing change. In the midst of all the fakes, being yourself is one of the strongest things you can be.

The next time you catch yourself wanting to hold back on posting something, dressing like something or speaking like something because you don’t want to be “too much,” remind yourself: you can have a personality. You can care. You can be different. That’s not embarrassing, that’s brave.

So don’t be the watered-down version of you that the internet demands you to be. Be yourself. Be unapologetic. Be quirky, emotional, passionate, intense, whatever. Because being “nonchalant” will get you likes, but being yourself will make you unforgettable.