***DISCLAIMER: this article is intended for comedic purposes only***

Some praise LTHS for their genius ID lanyards. They applaud the benefit to Security and Safety. Some students may even agree, and be glad to wear identification every day.

Others wonder if they should save themselves some trouble, and not simply peel the barcode off of a waxed, shiny grocery-store apple and plaster it upon their own forehead.

Now, having students enter a classroom is an experience remarkably similar to checking out at a supermarket. The line of students moves quickly through the doorway, and each is scanned (beep!) before being tossed into their own nondescript plastic bags, alone at a cookie-cutter desk.

Compounded upon the injury to their self-worth is an insult to their pride. These distorted necklaces collar them like oxen, leaving them gasping and heaving against their yoke. Students are left with few options to shirk their leash. 

They suffer in silence, and only the bold few … the heroic few … dare to take action. They lead by example- they tear their leashes from their necks, and exchange them for a new  badge. The brave join them, and each proudly displays the neon sticker of the Revolution. 

A call to action! Their gleaming Statue of Security has been carved from the grave-stone of our Freedom. What, I ask you, but your own image lays emblazoned upon your yoke? This insult cannot stand!

A call to arms! I challenge you to become your own heroes—throw off your shackles, and fight! Take up your revolutionary badge. Become a beacon, and fight! Fight, as our American forefathers fought, in the noble fight for Freedom!