*clears throat*

Yes, it’s official, I am a senior at LTHS, one of the big dogs, if you will. As arguably the most charismatic big dog at Lockport, I have stumbled across a dire issue that needs to be addressed by a very important and influential person such as myself. What is this issue you may ask? Hallway. Etiquette. Look at that, I spelled it right on the first try. So, as the wise, old student that I am, I will be directing my subordinates on how to properly walk in the hallways. Here are some tips:
Make sure to always walk in the direction that opposes traffic. There is no better feeling than trying to walk to class on the right side of the hallway and having to brainiac your way out of the path of someone with nothing better to do than walk right down the middle of the flow. I applaud those with the audacity and confidence needed to piss off an entire hall of people in about 30 seconds, really, it is quite spectacular to see.
In the same vein, it is imperative that you walk around the corner on the left side to assert your dominance early on in the school year. This way, when you turn the corner and bump into someone, they know you mean business because trust me, when you turn that corner and disturb someone’s passing period, they will remember you.

Take notes:

There is no way to describe the gratitude I feel while walking down the hallway and constantly being interrupted by the person behind me stepping on my shoe. Trust me when I say the person in front of you will thank you when you give their shoe a good ol’ flat tire. In fact, they might even turn around and shake your hand for the hard work you’ve been doing, somehow ending up on their shoe every step of the way down the hall.
This is the last and arguably most important tip I have for you: make sure to walk with your friends in a line of at least four people flat across the hallway. It helps to actually interlock arms to make sure nobody can get through your impenetrable friendship. Nobody really wants to go to class anyway, so you’re really truly doing everyone a favor by slowing down the group of people behind you. The best way to know you’re doing it right is if there is at least six feet of open space in front of you and 30 people backed up behind you. They will each personally thank you, I guarantee it.

With these tips, I expect the hallways to become a place of love, joy, and laughter. There is nothing at Lockport like our passing periods, so let’s make the most of them. With that said, big dog out.